was fun while it lasted. Yes, I do believe it is probably over and done with. Am I sad about it? Of course I am but only to a certain extent.
There were signs from the very beginning that I should have listened to but instead just ignored. They were little things…you know those things that you think you can put up with, sort of brush aside as they really are not all that huge. Had it been just one little thing I could have just brushed it aside. But it was more than that…there were many “little” things all of which began to really drive me nuts.
Oh I am not saying it was all him…I’m sure that there were things about me that drove him nuts too…though I certainly can’t imagine what those would be!
But there are some things that I either learned or reinforced in myself from this experience. The first is that I really must stick to the rules that I set for myself. The first rule is that I never date anyone that has not been divorced from the ex for at least a year. I always said that was a strong rule as I just don’t want to hear about her and what a you-know-what she was. After all he was with her so she couldn’t have been all that bad. Right?? Well New Guy had just split up from a long term relationship when we got together. I kept telling myself to stick to the rule…but noooooo, not me. I’m a rule breaker and I did break that one. He never really understood why I didn’t want to hear about “her”. The her that treated him badly and called him a liar. If that was how it really was why then did he speak so fondly of her? If she treated him so badly why did he continue to speak of her at all? And he spoke of her in ways that men generally do not speak of the ex. Ok, so I broke the rule…I have learned from that and will not do that again! Some rules are just not to be broken.
It also reminded me of a relationship (or several relationships) that I had so many years ago. It seemed that just about anytime I voiced my opinion (yes opinion or thought) I would be told how wrong I was. Hey…it is an opinion or a feeling or a thought…how can those be wrong????
As mentioned in an earlier post it has been 20 some years since I have dated anyone, especially anyone on a serious basis. And now perhaps I am remembering why.
Just as some people are not meant to be parents perhaps there are those of us that are not meant to enjoy (or not enjoy) the serious relationship. And perhaps I am one of those. Am I sorry it has ended? Of course I am but only to a certain extent.