for a relationship. At least with this guy. Or at least I hope that is the case. What if I’m not ready for anyone? That does scare me a bit.
It has been a minimum of 20 years since I have really been in a relationship of any kind. So when this guy showed even a little bit of interest to me I think I just fell for it. I have spent the last five months with him and the last month or maybe six weeks picking out all the little things I don’t like about him. But I have also been trying to figure out if I could live with those “little” things long term or not. Most, yes, I think I possibly could. But there are a few things that I know would drive me over the edge.
So I suppose today is going to be “break-up” day. I dread it. I really do. What will his response be? Will he be hurt? Will he be upset? Honestly, I don’t know. I do think, though, that he knows it is coming.
But the big question is this: Will I have to wait another 20 years before someone else finds me attractive? Or before someone wants to be with me? Oh I really hope not!
But that is what is so great about this group I have found myself in. It is group that I met via the internet (well, where else??). We started off as a hiking/walking group but as with any group of this nature there has become a core group which is primarily women – all of whom are women of a certain age. We have become a close group of friends and now do much more than just walk and hike though we still do that. All of these women are single and all are going through the same thing. Though several have had relationships more recently than I. Perhaps with their help and encouragement I might actually get out there and begin meeting some more men. Wonder if there are any men of a certain age out there that are worth it?
LOL…also without a man in my life I might actually have time to post a bit more on here than I have been!
Hmmm…I’m wondering how well these actually go together. After watching one of the morning political roundtable discussions we had our own discussion. Actually two of them. Both quite interesting to say the least.
Ok, so I have known for some time that New Guy didn’t vote. Ugh…that is something that does not sit well with me but I let it slide. And my thing is that if you do not vote then you better keep your mouth shut and not complain about what happens. Oh New Guy says he agrees with that but I’m really not so sure he does.
So on to the first discussion in which I mention that the next president whoever that may be will most likely be choosing at least one and possibly two Supreme Court justices. And that truly scares me depending upon who ends up in office. New Guy didn’t think that that was such a big deal. I tell him it is as Roe v Wade will most likely come up – once again. His remark was that they would probably keep it so not to worry. I say that may not necessarily be true. His comment then was that there would always be doctors – or people – that would perform them. I state that would be true but most likely in back alleys as were done in the 1960’s and early 1970’s during which many, many women were maimed or killed. Hmmm, he did not seem to be too effected by that.
Second political conversation of the day was a bit disturbing though not sure which one disturbed me more. During this conversation New Guy states we started off as a dictatorship and in many ways that is preferable to what we have now. What??? He says the constitution was flawed which I somewhat agreed with but also explained that it has been ratified and continues to change with the times. Which I point out cannot be done under a dictatorship. Long discussion ensued and he is pissed off because the constitution actually encourages slavery and discrimination against people of color. He was pissed because people of color (including Asians which he is) could not marry Caucasians. Of course he did not accept the fact that I reminded him that it was written in a different time and that things have indeed changed. He also pretty much ignored the fact that women were also discriminated against. In his mind it was a dictatorship. I suggested that perhaps if he thinks a dictatorship is better (which is pretty much what he was saying) then perhaps he should move to where there is a dictator. Hmmm, don’t think he really liked that. There is a certain change in his voice that I have learned to listen to. It was with that voice that he discussed this and he was very passionate about it.
Politics does play an important part in my life. Certainly not like it did when I was in my 30’s when I was pretty much out there. But it is important. And it is important to me what happens, not just for me but my grandchildren and their children. I don’t want things to go backwards. And I have never said that either candidate is perfect because believe me neither one is. But New Guy’s feelings on some of these issues really bother me. And I’m not sure how much these things should enter into a relationship or not. Because he has some definite feelings about some issues which are totally the other end of the spectrum than mine is that something I need to be concerned about? LOL…one good thing to know is that he will not be voting!
though I honestly really can’t place a specific time or place on it. But I became “that” teenager. I hated everyone and everything. I hated what my parents tried to do – you know, things like parenting. I hated that I had a curfew and that I was not allowed to date until a certain age. I hated I could not wear makeup or have my ears pierced. And I hated school.
I began cutting classes here and there and eventually it became full days that I would cut. Oh I got caught, many times. I was suspended from school for cutting…hmmm, what is wrong with that picture? I was grounded by my parents for cutting school.
I began to smoke and drink. Unfortunately I still smoke. I hate it. It never really did make me look “cool” as I thought it did. Drink, yea I still do but certainly not on a regular basis. I would stead my parent’s cigarettes and get in trouble for that.
I had many boyfriends though I’m not sure many of them really meant anything. One definitely did. We went “steady” for almost 2.5 years. He was a good guy though certainly not the best looking around. I have heard that he married and had a family but then lost track of him. That’s too bad as I would love to know how he did.
I guess I basically began to rebel about everything. And yes, I do mean everything. I was terrible. But I didn’t know what was wrong. Why was I so angry? Why did I hate everything that life had to offer?
I was not a very nice teenager. I was mean (though not bully type mean). I was lazy. I liked the boys and felt they liked me (I figured that one out much later).
I wish I could take those years back. But I can’t. I wish I could apologize to my parents. Well I did to my mother but never had the chance with my father.
Unfortunately that was a large part of what made me. I’m not happy about those years and I’m not happy with who I was then. It took many years to figure things out and to finally become somewhat happy with myself. That of course is a continuing thing I am working on.
was fun while it lasted. Yes, I do believe it is probably over and done with. Am I sad about it? Of course I am but only to a certain extent.
There were signs from the very beginning that I should have listened to but instead just ignored. They were little things…you know those things that you think you can put up with, sort of brush aside as they really are not all that huge. Had it been just one little thing I could have just brushed it aside. But it was more than that…there were many “little” things all of which began to really drive me nuts.
Oh I am not saying it was all him…I’m sure that there were things about me that drove him nuts too…though I certainly can’t imagine what those would be!
But there are some things that I either learned or reinforced in myself from this experience. The first is that I really must stick to the rules that I set for myself. The first rule is that I never date anyone that has not been divorced from the ex for at least a year. I always said that was a strong rule as I just don’t want to hear about her and what a you-know-what she was. After all he was with her so she couldn’t have been all that bad. Right?? Well New Guy had just split up from a long term relationship when we got together. I kept telling myself to stick to the rule…but noooooo, not me. I’m a rule breaker and I did break that one. He never really understood why I didn’t want to hear about “her”. The her that treated him badly and called him a liar. If that was how it really was why then did he speak so fondly of her? If she treated him so badly why did he continue to speak of her at all? And he spoke of her in ways that men generally do not speak of the ex. Ok, so I broke the rule…I have learned from that and will not do that again! Some rules are just not to be broken.
It also reminded me of a relationship (or several relationships) that I had so many years ago. It seemed that just about anytime I voiced my opinion (yes opinion or thought) I would be told how wrong I was. Hey…it is an opinion or a feeling or a thought…how can those be wrong????
As mentioned in an earlier post it has been 20 some years since I have dated anyone, especially anyone on a serious basis. And now perhaps I am remembering why.
Just as some people are not meant to be parents perhaps there are those of us that are not meant to enjoy (or not enjoy) the serious relationship. And perhaps I am one of those. Am I sorry it has ended? Of course I am but only to a certain extent.
how much time a relationship would take. I never even thought about the things I would no longer have time for once I became involved with someone. But it is true! I have been nominated for two awards by another blogger but have not even had the time to thank her or follow up with those as one is supposed to do.
We see each other on a pretty regular basis and in fact spent the entire Labor Day weekend together. Honestly, I was a bit afraid to spend that much time with him as I have been single and living alone for over 30 years! But I must admit it was quite nice having him around. He even makes the bed in the morning…without my asking! He takes his shoes off when he enters the house even without my asking (of course I don’t even do that!).
New Guy and I did a lot over the weekend. It included going to a very large art festival. He is an artist so it was interesting to hear some of his comments. Me? I just appreciate nice things. We wandered around a great little town and checked out all the boutiques there. He is really a great shopper! Oh and speaking of shopping he went with me to help find something to wear to an upcoming wedding! And we even went out to play his very first round of golf. He had recently been given a full set of golf clubs by a friend of mine. He kept telling me there would be no problems with his putting but perhaps his drives would need some help. After the nine holes we played he did admit that perhaps some lessons would be in order.
But there was one moment that stood out for me from this weekend. It was the moment that I think I realized that my feelings for New Guy were getting stronger and that maybe this guy is going to really be around a very long time. It was Sunday evening and we were both just a bit tired. Didn’t want to go to a movie and nothing at all on TV. We headed to the bedroom (ok, get your mind out of the gutter) and he began working on a crossword puzzle and I with my Kindle book. Pretty soon I realized I was not really reading so I leaned over to help him with his puzzle. He was laying there with his sweats on and I was leaning over him. At one point he just looked up at me and it was just that very short moment in time that will remain with me for a lifetime.
Isn’t it amazing how it is the little things? Just those tiny smiles or looks that only last seconds? But they mean oh so very much.
But again…my apologies…I had no clue that being in a relationship would take up so much of my time. Hopefully as the newness of this wears off I will have a bit more time to get back into this blog. But in the meantime I intend on enjoying every second with New Guy.
New guy has been around quite a bit lately. I mean a lot. And honestly, it has been fun. It has been so dang long since I have been in any type of relationship with someone of the opposite sex that I wasn’t sure how to act or what the heck to do. But he makes it just so darn easy to just be myself. And he likes me…he really likes me!
We went on a day trip the other day in which we drove along the coast. We stopped here and there and walked and talked and ate and just did whatever we wanted to do. It turned out to be a really wonderful day.
I have seen his house which is much smaller than mine. But it is also totally cute and much neater and cleaner than mine! Wow how many of us can say that?
He is considerate in that he takes off his shoes before coming in (a habit I should get into), and he makes the bed while I’m in the shower. Yep, you read that right…he makes the bed – without me even saying anything about it.
But most important – he makes me laugh, he makes me smile and he makes me feel comfortable. Yea, I think New Guy is going to be around for a while…a long while I hope!
how I am feeling these days. I think the correct term would be “giddy”. You see I think I have met someone…no that is not correct. I know I have met someone. Someone that I am very interested in. Gosh I feel like I’m back in high school thinking about that boy I like. But it runs deeper these days as I am no longer in high school. I am, instead, a woman of a certain age that has not dated for a minimum of 11 years. In reality it is much more than that. You see the last person I went out with I did so for 10 years. So really it would be more like 21 years since I have had an actual date. Oh my…I wish I had not put those numbers down as it really does look sad.
There are reasons that I have not dated in that time period. The first and probably the most important is that I just plain have not met anyone worth my time. Pretty simple really.
But I met this man about 6 or 8 weeks ago. We go on hikes and walks together with a group. We always end up walking together at least part of the way and finally we went out last weekend.
But honestly I am so afraid that I am going to say or do the wrong thing and make a fool of myself. So far it hasn’t happened but yes I am afraid of it. I’m afraid he is going to get tired of me after a short period of time and walk away. I don’t want that to happen.
He asked the other night while we were at dinner what I wanted from “us”. Goodness I really didn’t know how to respond to that. I definitely want an “us” and I want that us to last for a very long time.
We talked about a lot of things and we both agreed that we really didn’t have to speak with each other every single day. We are, after all, adults. But he didn’t call yesterday and I really, really wanted him to.
I have never been good at the beginning stages of a relationship, that I can remember that is. Perhaps in those 21 years that I have not dated I have matured a bit and will not totally blow things. One can only hope!
Wish me well my friends!